Untracking and Unwinding

Last night I attended my beautiful friend Anna’s lingerie party. I was given an untracked meal for this event. Sounds exciting, but when you suffer from food anxiety, going untracked is much harder than bringing a tupperware or restricting foods.

I questioned myself days leading up to the event. How much should I eat before I go? Should I train before I go? Should I do cardio the next day? When should I stop eating? What if I can’t stop eating?

Luckily, my coach is incredibly supportive and we talked about how I should structure my day leading up to the event. I tried to get as much protein in as possible and just ate like I normally would on a Saturday.


Chocolate & Banana Protein Pancakes

Chocolate & Banana Protein Pancakes




  1. Mix everything except the pancake syrup and the banana
  2. Add water as needed for batter consistency
  3. Cook on medium-low. Add banana slices before flipping the first time.
  4. Top with syrup 🙂

Macros: 41p/25c/2f – 284 cal

I probably would’ve added some peanut butter on top but I wanted to save my fats for the evening.

I trained legs after pounding down those pancakes. Lower body workouts tend to take a lot out of me, so training legs this day helped me to justify having a carb/fat-heavy meal later on.

I had planned on having a small salad with tuna to get a little more protein in, but time got away from me and before I knew it I had to leave to go to the party! I think I took too long getting ready…

Dem Delts Do

Dem Delts

And here’s the smorgasbord:

  • Ham & Cheese/Turkey & Cheese Subs
  • Veggie Platter with Ranch and Light Thousand Island (I contributed the Light Thousand Island to go with it hehheheh)
  • Cheese/Grape/Apple Platter
  • Tortilla Chips, Pretzel Chips and Pita Chips
  • Salsa, Guac and Hummus
  • Chocolate fondue with pretzel rods, marshmallows and strawberries
  • Not pictured: Sea Breeze (basically a bunch of sugary fruit juices and vodka)
  • Not pictured: Chardonnay (I brought this because I wanted a lower-cal alcohol option and I don’t really drink liquor that much)

I started with this:

Ham & Cheese Sub, Veggies and Light Thousand Island, Pretzels, Tortilla Chips, Salsa, Guac, Apples, Grapes, Cheese Cubes

Ham & Cheese Sub, Veggies and Light Thousand Island, Pretzels, Tortilla Chips, Salsa, Guac, Apples, Grapes, Cheese Cubes

Not a whole lot but that’s because I wanted to save room for DESSERT! I also waited to have my first drink until after eating since I had only had 284 calories for the day.

Enjoying my Chardonnay...Omg the poster and the straw

Enjoying my Chardonnay…Omg the poster and the straw

We played a couple of games and watched the bride open her lingerie 🙂 This is what I munched on for dessert:

A little bit of everything

A little bit of everything

We played this hilarious marriage version of Cards Against Humanity until like 12:30 in the morning, by which point I was hungry again.

This is when I started to feel pretty anxious. I was hungry but I didn’t really know where I was at in terms of my macros and everything on the table looked so good. I wanted to eat something. So I had a few more cheese cubes and veggies, a couple pieces of apple and grapes, a few more of the pretzel chips, and a couple more marshmallows and pretzel rods in the chocolate.

And I felt guilty about this.

I was scared of losing control and binging. I didn’t, but I could have.

I contacted my coach and she graciously talked me down. She said “You were hungry, so you ate. That’s what living creatures do.”

This is how normal people live. It’s not normal to track every bit of food that goes in your body. It is important to me because I’m trying to build a physique, but it’s also important for me to maintain a mostly normal life.

And I did not go hog-wild and binge, even though I felt anxiety about not being in TOTAL control. So that’s a win for me.

Really though, I am trying to gain weight so I should not be afraid to eat! I’m actually smaller right now than I was when I hit the stage:

One Day Post-Show vs. Today

One Day Post-Show vs. Today

The scale jumped about a half a pound from the previous day, which I expected.

I guess I’m just nervous about gaining too much body fat as I try to build muscle. But I know that if we take it slow then it will be manageable.

At the end of the day, I had a great time with my friends and I hope that the next time I’m given an untracked meal, I can do so without anxiety or fear.

I feel so loved by all of my friends who have been so encouraging through this. I admire them because they’re all so comfortable and confident in their own skin. They are full of life and do amazing things.

I have been out of touch with people for a while, and I let myself forget how important it is to have a support system. To any readers out there who are struggling, please reach out to your friends, family, coach, etc., or even me! You don’t need to fight your battles alone. If you do, who will be there to celebrate your victories with you?

4 thoughts on “Untracking and Unwinding

  1. Pingback: The Menu for a Celebration of Love – Wedding Weekend! | Quarter-Life Cassidy

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